The Weight of the Wait

Have you ever waited on something you wanted so badly? Sometimes it seems the more you want something, the longer it takes to happen, if ever. It could be something as simple as a red light that you REALLY need to turn green. Or it could be a job, a check, test results, a mate, a baby, or a physical healing...

Waiting is exhausting. The longer it goes the heavier it gets. Like holding a glass of water in an outstretched arm. Have you ever tried that? Oh it's no big deal for the first minute...but just keep holding. It will soon feel like a 100 pound weight.

As I was thinking about what it is that makes waiting so hard, it occurred to me that behind every wait is a weight. The weight of the unknown. The weight of failure. The weight of loneliness. The weight of loss or separation or financial ruin. There is some kind of pain or fear or anxiety attached to the wait that none of us want, but all of us experience. It's the weight of the wait.

We all have the common stresses of life and waiting, but sometimes, the big ones come along. Heavier wait equals heavier weight.

I've got some precious sisters in the faith that are waiting. Waiting on things that seem impossible to man. Asking God to do what only He can do. Their weight is heavy. I want to be that friend who comes along and raises my arms and eases their load. But nevertheless...they wait.

So what do we do? Pretend there is no agony in the waiting? Ignore it and move on with the dailiness of our lives? Stop everything and go into hiding until we have our desired outcome?

None of these really seems to work. None of these will speed up the waiting process or make things happen. When nothing changes, the weight of the wait still gets heavier and heavier, whether we are waiting on someTHING or someONE.

If you've followed the story of "M", you will know something of the wait I'm writing about. If not, go back to KimBFR.blogspot.com (or maybe you can just scroll up) and read the first 2 entries because none of this will make sense otherwise. The true story of a beautiful broken girl, caught up in a crazy twisted world of addictions and sex-trafficking. And the saga continues...

It's been nearly 6 months since "M", a client of ours at Bartow Family Resources, spent Christmas with my family, then ran away from rehab. We've heard little from her since then. Friends and family have been praying, law enforcement have been helpful, but no real sign of her until now. This week.

Seems she has ended up in LasVegas with her pimp who just got arrested. He's the one who bailed out of jail 3/2/16 and never reported to his probation officer. What a shock. He is what we call "a frequent flyer". In and out of jail with a rap sheet a mile long but never enough evidence to keep him there. Then he's out, plotting destruction for more precious ones and making sure they have enough heroine in them not to care. A real gem of a guy. Another 100 pounds added to our wait.

The weight of where is she? What abuse is she suffering? Will she overdose? How many clients will he force her to serve tonight? The worry is constant.

If you've ever loved a self-destructive person, you know. I didn't WANT to care this much, I just couldn't help myself. She's infectious. In her right mind she is loving, smart, hysterically funny, sensitive, self aware, and just plain fun. In her addicted mind she is mean, manipulative, combative, selfish and reckless. All things to worry about.

The worry of what's next and when will all this come to an end? And how? What bad decision will she make next? When will she see the light, catch a break or a breakTHROUGH and have a prodigal son (or in this case daughter) experience? And the constant feeling of "what else should I be doing to help"? Maybe you can relate?

Our latest word was that "M" was hitchhiking from Vegas. Now there's a comforting plan. She did, however, manage to get money for a bus ticket to get her to Texas, where "some guy" she partied with in Vegas will drive her to Georgia.

Hmmm.....I would love to be more optimistic but this is the rationale of an addict. One broken and bleeding. Desperate. Yet a precious one loved deeply by her Heavenly Father...and running from Him with everything she's got.

When I think about it that way, I'm sobered. How is her running any different from mine? Maybe I've not run off or been lured to Vegas by a pimp, but I've certainly done my share of running. Running from truth. Running from hardships. Running from God's love, forgiveness, correction and even at times, His will for my life. It's not what or who we run TO that makes our stories similar, it's who we run FROM that's the equalizer.

And so...I would ask you dear friends to once again pray for our precious "M". Pray for her safety, for divine intervention along every step of her journey, but most of all for a true change of heart. One that will give her confidence to approach the throne of grace again...knowing the arms of her Father are wide open, waiting to embrace her, forgive her, and heal her.

My solace? Jesus feels the weight of our wait. And certainly God the Father felt it when he waited 33 years without His beloved son by His side and then 3 long days for Jesus to resurrect from the dead. And I believe He feels it for every prodigal.

He waits on "M" as he's waited on me...and on each one of us, with expectation and longing.

Running is weary. So as I pray for "M" to stop running, I pray that any of us who are praying for her will see ourselves in her story. That we too will stop running from Him in any area of our lives where we are resisting His ways, and find rest in Him today, "for My yoke is easy and My burden light". Matt 11:30

"So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." Luke 15:20